Chile, I can't believe this!!

I sent my computer back to HP earlier this year to get the wireless switch fixed. I just opened up the CD/DVD drive, why was there this disc o' porn that I made still in there?? I sent my porn collection to HP, when the whole purpose was to make sure I had a backup copy of it all in case they wiped my drive...what if the watched it, is all that goes through my mind. LOL A mess!!

I imagine this is the face, if they happened to see it. (SEE BELOW)

Glad that shit is over!!

So, today I finally took the LSAT! I was so relaxed! I couldn't believe how un-stressful it was! Now to the hardest part, trying to not jump while waiting on my scores! They come in about three weeks...I'm glad about that, because if I didn't so hot, it won't really affect my mindset for midterms. but anyway, I am about to go and get high and drunk...my first time smoking marijuana!! I'm excited!!

Beautiful!!!

This woman is a beast! She sings her ass off! And seriously, who cares if she's a bitch...I don't! :)

Kathleen Battle - Over My Head I Hear Music in the Air

OMG!! That was so...

real for me. I just watched Prayers For Bobby, that Lifetime movie. It was so saddening for me. I cried so much during this film. I understand exactly how Bobby feels. I know that my family loves me, but I can't help feeling like they love me "in spite" of my being gay. I don't think I'd take it to the depths that Bobby did, but I do feel the hurt sometimes. I feel so alone, and I feel a crazy amount of fear. I really want to explore this new identity, but I can't get out of this mind frame that someone will find out...that really shouldn't be a concern...but it still is. I sometimes feel completely stupid, because I want to go into politics(not to personally get elected, working behind the scenes), but I feel like being myself will mess that up for me. I am just so conflicted...and sometimes I feel so alone, I really wish I had a friend who could relate...I guess I do, but he's doing his domestic exchange...and sometimes I just wanna talk face to face.

Also, I'm still so scared to even think of approaching a guy...and sometimes I just wish that I had never even said anything. I feel like it would be easier to just keep the lie going. I think of this when i see families and think about how hard it'll be for me to have kids, even when (read: if) I find a husband. Of course, I know this is COMPLETELY PREPOSTEROUS!! But the idea of going out t and meeting a guy is so friggin scary!!!

Update

So I'm actually getting ready for one my LAST days of work!!! I am so ready for it to be over! I recently saw apreview for a movie with Adam Rodriguez of CSI: Miami...and I must say, I don't even know what it is about, but I wanna see it just because that sexy ass man is in it! I have been so in love with him since that show came on! He's the only reason I watch it occasionally now! And I would love to see be asked to join those two in a wrestling match or TOUCH football!!! He's so hot!

But any way, I leave for school on Monday night, we're drving through the night so I can back and hang with my buds and gt some shit taken care o up at the school! I'm so excited to get back to school, where I'm an adult, but not ready or classes...which is why I'm giving myself a little more than a week to get acclimated again. I am however, gonna miss my buddy who's doing domestic exchange or the whole of senior year!!! We have some very interesting convos...lol...usually about the campus hotties and how we'd ravage them if given even the smallest of chances!! I finally registeredfor the damn LSAT, I have to drive an hour away from campus to take it, because all of the cites in the city were filled...isn't that bogus?? anyway, let me go peruse some blogs, and then head to work until the un-Godly hour o 3AM!

time is o the essence...

and frankly, it's running out. I will be in town for less than three more weeks. I have so much to do to prepare or my return to school. So much has been going on. I have truly been slacking on the LSAT front...been reading when @ the library instead of studying like I should. I have to figure out all of the logistics on how I'm gonna get settled once I get back. I need to look for jobs down there and I need to get my financial Aid info together...the IRS's system has been down and that is the last part that I'm waiting on. I still have so much to pay for, but at least the other insurance company is reimbursing me! So that money will go towards pay my insurance premium...so good news there. Also, the bartender at my shop likes me, so we're gonna go out on Thursday...we talked like my whole shit yesterday, and when I left he said that he couldn't wait to see me tomorrow(which is actually today now)! Too bad nothing more can come o this than a few dates! But at least it'll help me learn the ropes a little bit!

What an Awesome week...until that one thing...

So folks this has been an awesome week! I listened to an awesome audio book, read three noels by my new fave author, E. Lynn Harris(get into it!!), I studied my ass of for the LSAT, and I even picked up an extra shift at work, after I had already picked up three! It was the grave yard shift, which is interesting, I was there by myself for a few hours jammin listening to my ipod. too funny I gave a full concert from The "I am...Sasha Fierce"album...too funny...good times.

I was checking facebook the other day, and I got a message from my most recent ex-gf, she was telling me that her gradnmother had died. I really want to be there for her, but I can't get off work for the funeral. I feel s awful or her, because both of us were raised by our grandmothers and I knowI would be to through with lie i something happened to my gram!! I'm gonna pray for her and try to send a card or something over. I might go buy some flowers and send them to the funeral. UUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!

Right nowI'm waiting on my uniform to get out of the dryer, so I can get ready for work in a few hours. I'm at my uncle's house and I'm gonna walk home later on. I'e been trying to incorporate walking into my transportation routine again, there's no poin in wasting gas going eerywhere especially when this is the only chance I hae to get excercise, since I work so many diferent times of day...you know how work in the food industry is, especially for a part-timer...thank God this is not my life-long job! This has made it clear to me that I must continue my education!!!

Yours, Truly