Well that was freakin weird!

Last night was my first time going to a gay strip club.

Um, I'll go again.

But I did feel like a pervert, looking at all those men.

I felt like I was objectifying them.

The solution is to go

and be drunk and/or high

and have tons of singles.

The one guy I tipped attempted to grind his dick into my face.

As I moved back, he grabbed my shoulder and stopped me.

As I tipped him, he asked how I was and my name.

His was Jake...IDK WTF that was about.

The cutest by far were the two with glasses,

they just had a lot of fun up there.

Put me at ease.

Not Sure This'll Work...

So, I know this is sad,

But I am gonna have to stop following the friend

-zoner on Twitter.

He's tweeting about a breakfast date...

And it makes me feel like shit.

I wanna move on,

but, I don't know how to...

Melancholy is the word to

describe

the feelings in my heart...

I'm not really sure...

What's been going on.


I've been so tired everyday,


but I wake up really early, without trying.


But I have been rather productive.


Maybe, I've just been nervous about...


THE BEGINNING OF THE END


that this semester is.


I'll be graduating from undergrad in MAY!


*I hate change, that's probably the issue*

Green Pasteurs

Last night...

So amazing!

I never knew my brother was so cool!

*side note* there was a woman there trying to get at my brother

In front of his girlfriend...WTF?

But we were so far beyond high, it was coooooollllll!

Now off to ceramics to paint

And then...

To my fave Catfish restaurant! I love it!

Oh yeah!

So, there was recently a breakthrough with Momma on the whole me being gay thing.

We were talking about funerals

*don't ask*

And the subject of mine came up.

I said I'd have to make a will since they don't like what I want.

Her response was, "well, you'll have a partner to deal with that."

Awkward place to have the breakthrough, but I'll take...

Recently learned that my grandma is the one having the issues...

She thinks I'm confused,

Whatever that means...

She'll get it soon enough, I'll let her have her "wishful thinking" for now.

Here we go again...

Future...

The days before me...you? us? them?

Whatever.

The days/weeks/months/years ahead

*SIDEnote:Why do we talk in such broad terms?*

are really gonna be crazy!

full load + at school, apps, decisions


and to top all that off, I have to try to do something with this credit.

b/c whatever path I end up on,
I'll need to be able to rent a place

and buy a car...those boots may be made for walking

these feet ain't! :/

New Tea?

Eh, not so much.

I did talk to The friend zone-er today.

*I must give him a name*


At any rate, things seem like they'll be cool when school starts back up...
which is in exactly a week from Yesterday!

OMG! Graduation is getting closer!

Man, this shit is scary!
I get overwhelmed by it quite often.

So..It's been quite a while

I hope the new year was great for you all!

My night was rather awful, even in the midst of chaotic bliss.

I went to a party, it was you typical college party: drugs, alcohol, slutty activity...the works.

I had a good time, but I do have some regrets about that night. I spent about nine (9) hours chatting with a guy on BBM (Blackberry Messenger). now the convo and everything was great! I learned a lot more about him than i already knew, and it only made me more interested in him. Well, after a few drinks, I spilled all of my tea to him. I'm so mad at myself! I don't even remember what he said, but I do knwo that it ended up with me being in the friend zone. I mean it would be different if he was straight and I had misread the signs. and to make it worse, he gave me the dreaded, "Why didn't you ask earlier?" This had me damn near in tears (drunken tears, but tears nonetheless). So now I feel like I ave missed a great chance. I even begged for a chance to prove I was worth it after the friend zoning...I. Am. SSSOOOO. EMBARRASSED!

But whatever, I guess this was bound to happen eventually. I'm just glad I have such sypportive friends! they helped me to back off the ledge that, if I had jumped, would've led me to trying to act like being gay was "just a phase" and going on to be miserable and in the closet yet, again. But they really helped me to see it for what it was, an impossibility. I'm gay, and I have to come to terms with that. And I have to be able to love myself, if I ever expect anyone else to be able to love me!