So..It's been quite a while

I hope the new year was great for you all!

My night was rather awful, even in the midst of chaotic bliss.

I went to a party, it was you typical college party: drugs, alcohol, slutty activity...the works.

I had a good time, but I do have some regrets about that night. I spent about nine (9) hours chatting with a guy on BBM (Blackberry Messenger). now the convo and everything was great! I learned a lot more about him than i already knew, and it only made me more interested in him. Well, after a few drinks, I spilled all of my tea to him. I'm so mad at myself! I don't even remember what he said, but I do knwo that it ended up with me being in the friend zone. I mean it would be different if he was straight and I had misread the signs. and to make it worse, he gave me the dreaded, "Why didn't you ask earlier?" This had me damn near in tears (drunken tears, but tears nonetheless). So now I feel like I ave missed a great chance. I even begged for a chance to prove I was worth it after the friend zoning...I. Am. SSSOOOO. EMBARRASSED!

But whatever, I guess this was bound to happen eventually. I'm just glad I have such sypportive friends! they helped me to back off the ledge that, if I had jumped, would've led me to trying to act like being gay was "just a phase" and going on to be miserable and in the closet yet, again. But they really helped me to see it for what it was, an impossibility. I'm gay, and I have to come to terms with that. And I have to be able to love myself, if I ever expect anyone else to be able to love me!