The Journey Has Begun

So, I had my first experince where I lost someone after coming out to them. I truly felt that everything was alright after I told LC, my former bff(or so I thought). I mean she was cool, she didn't call em that often anyway and we didn't hang out very often anyway, since she goes to school in our home state and I don't. I have felt that we were growing apart for quite some time, but I figured it was because I was becoming more comfortable being ymself at school, and I still had to wear the facade at home. So, I felt that in order to work on our relationship I come out to her; her initial reaction shocked me, but only because recently she became uber-religious and conservative. The day I told her she called me up and was like where is this coming from, I didn't understand the question. She asked why i was coming out now...I still don't quite understand why I feel like I shoudl tell my folks about my sexuality, but something tells me I should...I think it has something to do with trying to be comfortable with my folk. But anyway...

since I've been homw this summer, things have been really awkward with the two folks that are my supposed bffs, LC and SMM. Me and SMM have worked on our relationship and now I can talk about anything with her; LC was not willing to talk when I told her i thought we needed to talk...I haven't spoken to her since she said that. She has commented on my facebook, and sent me text messages acting like there is nothign wrong, I can't even deal with it...and whenever i get ready to talk about my bffs, the people that come to mind are SMM and DLM...and I feel like this has been the more acurate picture since I started college.

I'm am so worn out!!

I worked on Sunday, Today, and I have shifts Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday...I'm so tired...and since I told them my schedule is open, I'm scheduled to work at the most random times! But I mist say..I'd much rather be working crazy hours than no hours...my regular shift is only 16 hrs a week...and while the was okay in high school, I'm not making the same hourly wage as back then.

So the ex that I was supposed to go out with the other day sent me the most upsetting text message in the middle of last night. I was in the bed after working a full shift on about two hours of sleep and attending a birthday party and then having drinks with my bff. SO needless to say I was trying to get dead to the world! But back to my story, I had updated my Facebook status stating how much fun it is to go for drinks with my bff, why did this fool send me a text saying(verbatim) "Wow Yours Truly. Glad you had fun with your friends. Thanks for standing me up on Friday. Its great to see that that is how you are." WTF?? then i replied that she should lose my number if that's how she feels she then retorted that it was all a joke. I know she's lying..I could hear her voice cracking...I don't why she is making herself mad! that makes no sense!

In other news, the White Peach Sangria form Applebee's is UH-mazing! A the Long Island Iced Tea is pretty damn good as well! I need to stop...I'mbecoming a damn lush!

The First Payday at the New Job

So i went out to my job and picked up my check...this bitch was for 8.67...seriously...I wanted to laugh and cry...lol...I need the next pay period to get here soon!!

I'm supposed to be going out with my ex-gf from High School, we have a great time when she's not trying to fuck me...which she tries everytime, but I am not doing that, I wanna stay friends. But anyway she's supposed to be taking out and I'm supposed to drive. Here's the kicker: today my car finally got put in the shop, I got rear-ended earlier this month. The shop owner told me that more than likely, my car will be totaled and it is only worth 2100-2800 dollars...def not enough to get me another car in good shape like this one was. I feel like everytime I try to make some progress there is something dragging me, kicking and screaming, back to square one.

This shit is depressing...but there are more pressing issues in my life...like trying to get fucked up tonight!

Television Is My Life!!!

SO, my bff and I have been watching TV and I must say there are some damn good shows on!!! I wish I had premium cable! I miss HBO...they have some damn good shows!! True Blood is the best show on TV now! and there is a fine ass piece of man candy on there Mehcad Brooks AKA Eggs Benedict Talley. I really wish that these shows would all show up on HBO on demand with the entire season so i could just sneak into my Uncle's house and watch them and he would never have to know! But, alas this is not how it is supposed to be! I have posted pictures of him above.

But I must say, Bravo TV has come out with some chit..but these bitches have come out with some damn good shows too! Fashion Show and The Real Housewives of New Jersey...My fave on RHNJ is Jaqueline, as I have said before....and she is so pregnant! I'm so happy for her. And the Fashion Show is too funny, there is the guy on there named Recco(read: Rico) he made an awsome dress but it was definitely not in line with the designer he was supposed ot be emulating, but I love a good corseted dress! lol, and of course Kelly Rowlands Eyebrows were snatched to hell!! I loved it!

WTF is going on???

SO...I'm getting so money conflicting stories, I just want the T! Sopposedly, the King of Pop, Michael Jackson has passed on! It was bad enought that we lost an original Angel, Charlie's Angel, that is today: Farrah Fawcett, with her awesome feathered hair!

Updated 5:30PM: So now CNN says he's dead...they haven't confirmed it..but they said it! I am upset, one of my things to do before dying was to see him in concert! I'm pissed! I feel for the Jacksons though, so I must pray for them! You should too!

Work, Work, Work...

...and all the shit that goes along with it! (LOL) But work is cool, I will finally get to make some tiops on Sunday...and Sundays are supposed to be the money making day for room service...let us pray that that is the truth! But anyway, while at work, they decided that i would cross-train in the bakery. So, I'm sitting there and the Hostesss comes up and says, "[Yours Truly], where are you from?" I say, "Dreamland" and she says "Oh, are you Jamaican?" I say, "no, why? is it because of my hair? (which is twisted.) She smiles, sheepishly, and then says yeah...it was kinda funny....But I gotta go...I'm so T-I-R-E-D! I'm sleeping til seven tomorrow...yes to sleeping in! lol

On another note...I really miss my folk back at school....these fools give me all my life!! And they ain't tooo shabby when it comes to drinking either! Back to LSAT prep in the morning, I'm taking a diagnostic

PS: the hot cook at my job is so fine!! He's from NOLA...my buddy would love him! lol and my trainer was beyond cunt, but you could tell he was putting on his straight act...lol

The First Day of the Job...CcccRRRRRAAAAZZZZYYYY!!!!!!

So, today was my first day of work...I had to get my ass up at the ass-crack of dawn!! Hell, I was up before then! I forgot to shave last night, so when i went back to sleep after my first alarm...I awoke with a start and had to rush around the house trying to find my clippers to fix my facial hair. But after this hell-atious morning at home, I made it to work early...you'll never believe what I ran into: I couldn't even pick up my damned uniforms, until an hour into my shift...wardobe doesn't open until 7...my shift starts at 6...I had to call in that I would be late on my first DAMN day!!! So, to make up for it, I worked my ass off! I turned my A.D.D. off and listened intently with my damn-near useless ears! and guess what! They all loved me...And now, I shall do what no one else can do better: I shall kiss my own ass! LOL

I'm exhausted and need to go to sleep, but my dad went to the hospital for some back pain...and he still ain't back so I gotta wait for his ass to get out...I'm his ride! And I have to avoid answering my phone...one of my ex-girlfriends wants me to come and swim at her place...but last time I went over there, this chick continued to try to seduce me even though I told her I'm gay...she said that just gettting head from her would "turn me back!" Can you believe her? I love her dearly, but damn...we broke up when i was a junior in High school!!! I'm now a rising senior(graduating in four) move on boo!! :-D

Ooh...before I forget...I saw the Noah's Arc movie, that whole cast is sexy for the most part! I absolutely loved it...the only thing that Sex and the City the movie had over it was that white boy's big ass dick showing...if only there had been some dick in this movie! And I'm starting to get pissed about the re-launch, or failure to relaunch, of Nubian 101...will these bitches get it together??

Anyway, I gotta go...the behind the scenes episode of the Real Housewives of New Jersey is on...and there will be spillage...I love Jaqueline...that bitch is so sweet, and she is fierce in her own little way...that skinny ass bitch Danielle can got kick rocks and choke on a dick for all I care...she a evil ho!

WHO I AM...

The oldest of four kids, age 21, my youngest sister is only 19months old...she was the late life baby my parents wanted...lol. I am a full time student, majoring in Black Studies at a historically Black college in the south. I am currently at home in the Midwest, working at a riverboat casino and studying for the September LSAT. MY dream is to become a public defender, and eventually learn enough information about the criminal justice system to affect change thorugh public policy work! I live to change the world! I'm currently working on compiling a database of scholarships for law school and internships to do for the upcoming year of undergrad (my SENIOR year!!!! YAY!!).

But I guess that's all that is needed to know so far!

The Dawn of a New Era

So, I have finally started to take steps towards living my life without lies, and all the secrecy! I have finally accepted the fact that I am a gay man. It was an awfully long process, I'm 21 and I have only now decided to accept it. And, I must say, I feel a whole lot better. I think I am able to be myself finally! I will be able to be fully honest with my loved ones and I will be able to actually live my life to the fullest potential! This journey has been harrowing: I've spent the last almost 8 years planning a life with the same girl(now woman), and I have never even tried to date a guy! I'm kinda nervous about trying to navigate this new world! I am confident that things will work out for me, I have so many people around who will support me in all the things I endeavor to achieve!